Two Years Later...

My family and I finally made it to church. Two years. I've been saved for about eight years now and I feel guilty and shameful for getting lost. Allowing myself to become weak in all aspects and allowing myself to sink back into old habits, old ways, and of course, mistakes that I had already made and assumed I'd stay away from. So we went to church today and it was not what I expected. I expected our church family to not talk to us, to look at us shamefully, to make it awkward all in all. And as I walked into the building guiltily, it was a complete shock from the moment we got in the doors. We were greeted with smiles, hugs and love. Not a single person criticized us for being gone for so long, no one spoke to us harshly, and no one even asked what happened. They welcomed us back with love, told us how they had been praying for us and were so happy to have us back, and how big the kidlets had gotten. It was wonderful. Our church has grown which was quite nice and a definite surprise. And the sermon was a total God thing. My cousin has been keeping an "eye" on me and sending links and prayers. I'd been lost between what I have known and what I am. And today's sermon answered every question that I have ever had. God had planned it perfectly I'd say. I'll post a link at the end of this, it leads to my church's website and our pastor's sermon should be up there either tonight or tomorrow. It was wonderful and I feel like I may be on the path of peace again :) It's hard to lead my life towards peace and not being able to actually control what is around it completely. It seems as if I am finally ready to be at peace and others have other ideas. Family drama is hanging around lately. And a huge test of myself hangs around as well. It usually is easy for me to forgive. Trust no, but forgive yes. Except when I have people who are extremely close to me hurt me. Or do things that just aren't right in anyway. Family to me means un-breakable. I have close friends who continually love me no matter what happens, no matter the distance, no matter what I say or tell them, and no matter how lost I become. I have had people in the past two years stick by me and show me love in every way. That is family to me. I have had my sister-in-law, love me like her blood and become one of my best friends. We have gotten into a fight or two and a few arguments and even some silent treatments but always to quickly forgive each other and get past it. That is family. But it's hard to have someone close to you, disown you over something silly. Especially only days after losing your father. People wonder why I am so closed off. Let me tell you how after being hurt by people closest to you, I just don't want to risk opening myself up to get hurt again. It's not that I can't, it's that I choose not to. And now, after two years, I have the opportunity to forgive someone, but again, I won't. And yet I walk with the guilt. It's difficult to do something that I know is right, that protects me and my family, and yet feel like the bad guy. It's something I get to work on. And pray on more. It has been an exciting week so far. Bug finished her last year of Cubbies in Awana. She is now officially a Spark in the fall. And she didn't just finish it out but she blew away the entire program. She completed both books, STILL has both books worth of verses memorized. She also did not miss a single Awana meeting in the two years. We had help from other Cubby classes, when we went to Montana, she was allowed to attend their meetings which was awesome. So I finished sewing the last of her patches on and now get to look for a shadow box to put it in. We have taught her that if she is going to do something, she has to do it to the full extent of her ability, to do her very best, and to always finish it no matter if she doesn't like it or not. I don't want her like me, starting things and never finishing them, lol. Now she has two weeks left of Head Start, a few weeks of summer school to prep her for kindergarten, and then in a few short months, I will have a big girl on my hands. I know that as time goes on, I will always miss my father, but it will ease up. But times like these, I haven't ever wished he was here as hard as I do now. I think he'd get a kick out of how my girl is turning out. We have a full year planned ahead, she gets to pick one sport to do, and she has chosen hockey, which will be interesting. Luckily she can skate okay lol. And she will be starting up Daisy's in Girl Scouts and I get to start a wonderful thing by being one of her leaders :) To say I am excited is a HUGE understatement.

Onto Bean. My boy. HA! Shooting, running, jumping, climbing everything, kind of boy. Keeping him inside or out of dirt is pretty much impossible. He likes to fish, hunt, dig up worms, run, climb, hike, splash in mud puddles and ride his bike. And he prefers a bow and arrow to anything else. He gets to start Early Head Start in the fall which means once a week for an hour, we will have a teacher visit us and work with him. We will have activities to do during the week just us and then every two weeks, on Fridays he will get to go to the center to have a playdate with the other kids in the program. I am pretty excited but ever so sad. It's really hard to watch him grow up since he is after all, my baby.

I am planning on finishing and working on a lot of crafts and I will be sharing them with you over time. Get some photos on this boring blog. I want to test myself out and see if I can actually be crafty. Thanks to pinterest, I doubt it will be too difficult LoL. Wait until you see the next cake I have planned. I don't take photos and share the of my cakes often but it's really neat to make my cakes. I don't like the taste of fondant but using it can be a blast! Although i found some artificial strawberry flavoring and I am going to attempt that with this cake, lol. You'll see....

So my blog prompts, which I have forgotten about, I found today as I was sorting through my e-mail messages. One of them stuck in my mind. Promises. That's all. Just promises. At first I was wondering ok what about them? But to me I think it just means to write what we think about them. Do we make the often? Do we break them often? What kind do we make? Husband and I both feel the same way about promises. If you can't trust our yes's to be yes and our no's to be no, then it doesn't matter what we do, promise, swear or whatever, it doesn't matter. So we demonstrate that people can trust our yes's and no's to be just that. I don't need to walk up and say 'I promise', I just say, yes I will do that, and then I do. I try hard to not lie and not to be known as a liar and I don't lie. There are no degrees of sins, a lie is just the same as murder so I try not to do either. Except for one time. My wedding day. I made a vow to my husband, to God and our family and friends. And that is one promise, one vow, I will never break <3

My anniversary is coming up in about a month and a half. It will be seven years of marriage. And I am excited to celebrate that day. Which will include dinner at our favorite restaurant which we only visit on our anniversary or when his parents come to town. We will more than likely visit the movies and of course buy each other goodies. SImple, fun and yet what I look forward to for months at a time. I always tell Husband, "God makes our life bumpy but when it comes to our marriage and our children, we are incredibly blessed, why do you think that is?" There is no other answer other than God. We can get lost along the way, we can turn our backs from Him, we can pretend not to know the truth, but in the end, we always come back because we know better. And the best part is? He will never leave us. He stands by and watches and waits. And still blesses our road. What a wonderful God we have.

With that I think I will end it here. I have a few minutes free to check pinterest, answer a few messages on facebook and then get to dinner. I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend. I am actually looking forward to the oncoming week. I was dealing with the passing of a kidney stone but I think it's done now and thankfully it wasn't so bad. I have a pretty high pain tolerance thankfully so I hope either it was small or I just dealt well with it. Either way, it's done and I'm happy :)) So until next time! *Beckie*