Boo!

 Have you ever been scared of the dumbest little thing? I am. A few of them actually. Bees. The dark. Tornados. Men who are dirty and homeless. And Walmart at certain times of the year. Now the first one is really not dumb as I am allergic to them so it's more of a "I-Fear-You-Out-Of-The-Chance-Of-Death" sort of fear. Dirty bugs...But they are handy because of the honey and flowers and such so we have an agreement of they leave me alone and I leave them alone. I actually feed them outside too, which is weird. Very, very weird. The second fear? The dark. It's not that I'm actually scared. It's just creepy to sit in the dark. Alone. And quietly. I always have to have the tv on. Or at least my sound machine. Something so that it isn't just me. Weird things happen in my house so me and the dark do not get along. Which is ironic in the sense that my children don't sleep with night lights and because of where their windows are, it's pretty pitch dark in their rooms. My children aren't scared of the dark and yet their mother, who is quickly reaching 30 is. That is just sad. Very, very sad...Tornados. That one is just sensible. Who would enjoy a tornado coming up and ripping apart their home, cars, possibly killing them and their family, and destroying a town that they live in? Yeah I'm nutty for that one right?? Well, actually, if you want to know the truth, that is a small part of the fear. The biggest part is that I love storms, but when the wind gusts are ripping my screen doors off my house and shaking the trees so hard you think they are going to fall through the house, I get scared that I am going to have to go sit in our basement. That is all dirt. And full of must, dampness, and spiders. And is just really icky. Did I really just say icky??...And the whole dirty men thing, it's just creepy men with long hair and dirty clothes and look at you like they just got released from prison after serving 30 years. Men scare me period thanks to an interesting part of my life. So this isn't as judgmental as it is, honest and understanding. At least from my point of view and on this, I'm right. Now comes for Walmart. This is where most people's hatred for holidays hit. It's October. I went to Walmart in September and guess what holiday they were already setting up for? CHRISTMAS! Now, I love Christmas as much as the next person but seriously? Why can't they pull stuff out in, oh I don't know, December?? Kind of ruins it for me with all the commercialization and such. This year is going to be a fun one since we are celebrating Hannukah and Christmas together but it just depresses me when I see everything set out and we haven't gotten to experience Halloween or Thanksgiving yet.
 I always stress about Christmas. I love buying things for people but then as soon as they are sent off I immediately kick into stressing out about whether they will like the gifts I got or not. Abel has the whole "either they like it or we just won't buy them anything next year" sort of mentality which I hate. I don't want people to not like what I get them. I do what my dad did every year because it is on the easy side in the fact that I can buy something for an entire family of six the same way I can get something for a family of two. But I hate it in the sense that I didn't make it or put actual time into it. But then I talk to people about making them handmade stuff and they tell me it's cheap and they'd throw it away sooner or later so not to bother. Makes me sad :(
 Today is quit random. I just felt the urge to write, not about anything in particular really, just, write.
 Life has been very crazy and very.....unknown, lately. I am a control freak. I like being in semi-control of what happens. And lately I haven't been able to control what has been happening. Husband has a decent job. The paychecks are very nice and it has been great getting things paid off and even spoiling ourselves somewhat. But I hope that very soon, after everything is paid off and our debt no longer exists, Husband can quit this job and we can move back to Montana. Not many people like being poor but I do. I actually miss it. Things meant much more back then. They were fully appreciated and were more special. Now we take for granted and even expect things. Granted we have been able to give our kids much more than we ever got but still. Sometimes money and happiness can't co-exist :( That and I feel like people have distanced themselves from us too. Like we are awful people for having money or something. And when Abel goes into the military, it would be really nice to be home with family who I know I can call in an instant no matter what. This town is amazing for community support but I feel would feel ridiculous for calling someone for something they would deem as small.
 Sooo enough blabbering about nothing. Husband came home from the store and made us smoothies and we are going to go watch Zookeeper and Rio. Have a grand evening all!